Summer Reading List

Summer Reading List
With only a month (or less) of school left I thought it would be good to get a list of books to read over the summer months.

What Great Teachers Do Differently - Todd Whitaker

Innovators Mindset - George Couros (MRVED Keynote Speaker Spring 2018)

Teach Like a Pirate - Dave Burgess

On Your Mark - Thomas Guskey

Better Conversations - Jim Knight

50 Myths and Lies That Threaten America's Public Schools - Berliner & Glass


All of these books offer great discussion points and make you think about teaching and learning.  Brandon has read many of these, so if you are looking for something specific, contact him (braymo@mrved.net).

Summer Reading List

Summer Reading List
With only a month (or less) of school left I thought it would be good to get a list of books to read over the summer months.

What Great Teachers Do Differently - Todd Whitaker

Innovators Mindset - George Couros (MRVED Keynote Speaker Spring 2018)

Teach Like a Pirate - Dave Burgess

On Your Mark - Thomas Guskey

Better Conversations - Jim Knight

50 Myths and Lies That Threaten America's Public Schools - Berliner & Glass


All of these books offer great discussion points and make you think about teaching and learning.  Brandon has read many of these, so if you are looking for something specific, contact him (braymo@mrved.net).

Holiday Book Recommendations

Holiday Book Recommendations
If you are looking for a couple books to read over the Christmas break, here is a short list of a couple great books by some excellent authors!

What Great Teachers Do Differently - Todd Whitaker


Better Conversations - Jim Knight


Fair Isn't Always Equal - Rick Wormeli


The Innovators Mindset - George Couros

Better Conversations - Wrap Up

Wrap Up
Over the past seven weeks we have examined the six beliefs that help us have better conversations.  The six beliefs come from Jim Knights book Better Conversations.   If you strive to have better conversations with people, I highly suggest this book.  Jim Knight is a "guru" in instructional coaching.  This is what compelled me to read this book, and it not only has had an impact on how I have conversations with the teachers and administrators I work with, but also with my wife and daughters.  I highly recommend this book.

6 Beliefs to Better Conversations

1. I see others as equal partners in conversations.
2. I want to hear what others have to say.
3. I believe people should have a lot of autonomy.
4. I don't judge my conversation partners.
5. Conversation should be back and forth.
6. Conversation should be life-giving.

Reflection

As I read the book and had the opportunity to reflect using the Better Conversations Companion Book, I have realized that I do not know what it looks like when I do something.  If I truly want to have a better conversation, I need to know what it looks like when I do what I do.  With that being said, I plan to record some of the conversations I have with people and reflect back on our conversation to see if I truly am acting out what I believe to be true.  Beliefs really do drive our behavior, and if I really believe that we are equals in conversation, I want to hear what you have to say, I give people autonomy, I don't judge, our conversation is back and forth and life giving, then my behavior should follow suit.

My hope is that through these past seven weeks, you have had the opportunity to reflect on your own conversation habits and beliefs.  At the very least, I hope you had the chance to think a little deeper about the importance of conversation.

Better Conversations - Life-Giving

Life-Giving Conversation
The last of the six beliefs from Jim Knight's book Better Conversations will be discussed this week.

6 Beliefs to Better Conversations

1. I see others as equal partners in conversations.
2. I want to hear what others have to say.
3. I believe people should have a lot of autonomy.
4. I don't judge my conversation partners.
5. Conversation should be back and forth.
6. Conversation should be life-giving.

Life-Giving Conversation

"When I believe conversations should be life-giving, I go into the conversations expecting that my conversation partners and I will leave conversations feeling more alive for having experienced them" (Knight, 57, Better Conversations Companion Book).  The prime example of this is when you have a conversation with someone and you walk away thinking you learned so much and you have that feeling like you really were into that conversation.  During these conversations time seems to fly by.  It's really a culmination of the five previous beliefs.  If all these pieces come together, more often than not the conversation is life-giving.

Life-giving conversations are engaging and energizing and they increase your sense of well-being.  If the topic at hand is something we are invested in, then we are more likely to engage in deep conversation about it.  Again, if we are equals, and truly listen to others, give them autonomy, not judge, and the conversation is back and forth, the conversation will more than likely be life-giving and we will walk away energized.

On the opposite end, we have all had conversations where we walk away physically and mentally exhausted.  These conversations are the opposite of life-giving conversations.  Sometimes these types of conversations are necessary, but if we engage in conversation like this on a daily basis, it will likely burn our desire to have a better conversation.

Next week we will wrap up this series on better conversation.

Better Conversations - Back and Forth Conversation

Belief 5
For the past two months we have examined what it takes to have better conversations with people using the book Better Conversations by Jim Knight.  Two weeks ago we talked about not judging your conversation partners.  Today we will look at belief 5, conversation should be back and forth.

6 Beliefs to Better Conversations

1. I see others as equal partners in conversations.
2. I want to hear what others have to say.
3. I believe people should have a lot of autonomy.
4. I don't judge my conversation partners.
5. Conversation should be back and forth.
6. Conversation should be life-giving.

Belief 5: Conversation should be back and forth

"During a better conversation, my conversation partner and I become more thoughtful, creative, and alive when we talk in ways that open up rather than shut down our thinking and talking" (Knight, 49, Better Conversations Companion Book).  Conversation should be back and forth, you should gain something and I should gain something.  If it's always me talking, what will I gain from the conversation?  Controlling the conversation also implicitly puts the person talking in a one-up scenario.  Whether intentional or not, we need to be aware of how much we are talking in a conversation and the words we are using.

Granted there are times where the purpose of our conversation is not back and forth, but rather me giving you information.  Again, there are times and places for all six beliefs.  In a better conversation, we need to try to listen as much as we talk and learn as much as we teach (Knight, 51).

Better Conversations - Judgement

Judgment
Last week we looked at belief three, people should have autonomy, from Jim Knights book Better Conversations.  This week we will focus on judgment.

6 Beliefs to Better Conversations

1. I see others as equal partners in conversations.
2. I want to hear what others have to say.
3. I believe people should have a lot of autonomy.
4. I don't judge my conversation partners.
5. Conversation should be back and forth.
6. Conversation should be life-giving.

Belief 4: I don't judge my conversation partners.

"When people judge others, they destroy any pretense of equality.  If I judge you as having done something well or poorly, by doing that very act I put myself one-up and put you one-down" (Knight, 41, Better Conversations Companion Book).  

Again, this is one of the beliefs that we all believe we do well in, but in reality we all struggle with.  When we come into any conversation we bring in tons of assumptions and our own opinions.  If we truly are to have a conversation where everyone feels equal, we care about what others are saying, and we give our partner autonomy, those assumptions need to be left at the door.

Things you can do to be nonjudgmental

• Listen without assumptions and without prejudging.
• Begin to let go of the desire to give unsolicited advice.
• Practice letting go of having to be right.

The last two bullet points are the most difficult.  If you were to record yourself in a conversation, I think you would find that you often times are giving advice that is not asked for.  Also, nobody wants or likes to be wrong, but sometimes we need to let go of that and give your conversation partner some autonomy.

Better Conversations - Autonomy

Autonomy
We have been discussing the 6 beliefs to better conversations from the book Better Conversations by Jim Knight.  Each update, we highlight one of the 6 beliefs.  Two weeks ago the topic was listening and hearing what others have to say.  This week the topic is autonomy.

6 Beliefs to Better Conversations

1. I see others as equal partners in conversations.
2. I want to hear what others have to say.
3. I believe people should have a lot of autonomy.
4. I don't judge my conversation partners.
5. Conversation should be back and forth.
6. Conversation should be life-giving.

Belief 3: I believe people should have a lot of autonomy.

Partners don't tell their partners what to do.  If we are to tell our conversation partner what to do, we are no longer equals, and we have violated the first belief in better conversations.  Autonomy is so important when conversing with people.  The ability to make our own decisions and ultimately say "yes" or "no" creates an equal playing field, where all opinions matter.  Peter Block says, "If we cannot say no, then saying yes has no meaning" (Knight, 33, Better Conversations Companion Book).

People are rarely motivated by other people's plans for them.  One of my favorite quotes from this section in Better Conversations is, "When you insist, they will resist" by Timothy Gallwey.  I think about my coaching and teaching experiences, and this quote is very true.  If the idea is the kids, then it becomes much easier to get them to do what I want, whereas, if I tell them to do something most will do it, but some will resist.  Adults are the same way.  If ideas come from them, they are much more likely to put an effort into accomplishing it is what they want.

Of course there are occasions when a conversation does not have a decision made, so therefore autonomy does not come into play.  There are also situations where there is no autonomy because the district and/or administration has decided something already.  But there can be autonomy on how to accomplish what it is the district and/or administration wants.

Better Conversations - Listening

Hearing What Others Have to Say
Two weeks ago the topic for Better Conversations was seeing your conversation partner as an equal.  This week we will look at, "I want to hear what others have to say".

6 Beliefs to Better Conversations

1. I see others as equal partners in conversations.
2. I want to hear what others have to say.
3. I believe people should have a lot of autonomy.
4. I don't judge my conversation partners.
5. Conversation should be back and forth.
6. Conversation should be life-giving.

Hearing What Others Have to Say

This is one of the beliefs I think we all think we do a good job of, but in reality, we struggle the most with this belief.  In our world today, it is very difficult to give someone 100% of our attention 100% of the time.  With a smartphone nearby, emails are constantly coming at us, text messages are frequently making your phone "ding", telephone calls are more prevalent, and it's your turn on Words with Friends :-).  If I truly believe we are equals in conversation, I will treat you as I would want to be treated and truly LISTEN to what you have to say.  You can listen and not hear a word your conversation partner says.  This is evident in many relationships (especially us men!).  If you are married, you probably can think of a time your significant other told you, "I told you that last night or earlier this morning".  

Being fully present in a conversation is a sign of respect for the other person.  It shows them that you truly are interested in what they have to say.  We don't have to be fully present in every conversation we have, but if we are trying to help people get better at what they do, they believe what they do is important and we need to respect that.

Tips to being present in a conversation

• Silence your phone (even the vibrate feature).
• Shut your laptop.
• Take off your watch (yes, looking at the watch distracts you from your conversation).
• Keep the time sacred (don't let other "things" come into your time with someone).
• Respect their time and your time.
• Video record yourself having a conversation.
• How many times do you look away, at your phone, computer, or watch?
• I think you will be surprised to realize what you look like!

The video below is a classic scene from Wayne's World.  This radio DJ is NOT present in the conversation.  Don't be THAT guy!

Better Conversations - Equals

Better Conversations
As mentioned a couple weeks ago, we will be starting our series on Better Conversations.  There are six beliefs that guide having a better conversation, and these beliefs will be the focus of this series.

1. I see others as equal partners in conversations.
2. I believe people should have a lot of autonomy.
3. I want to hear what others have to say.
4. I don't judge my conversation partners.
5. Conversation should be back and forth.
6. Conversation should be life-giving.

This week we will focus on seeing others as equal partners in conversations.

Equals

I think Jim Knight places this one first for a reason.  Seeing others as equals is the lynchpin to having a productive, life-giving conversation.  When someone is perceived as being superior, this creates unequal ground where the lesser of the two people feels continually "talked down" to and told what to do.  "Often, the reason people resist ideas in top-down conversations is that they are not getting the status they feel they deserve." (Knight, 19, Better Conversations Companion Book)  Jim Knight is absolutely correct in this statement.  If we don't feel our ideas and opinions are valued, what point is it in sharing them?  The hierarchy of our school system is necessary, but a detriment to professional learning, if it is the principal or superintendent who is responsible for carrying out the training or follow-up.  From the start, a principal or superintendent is seen as a superior, thus being a detriment to any conversation leading to professional growth.  All school administrators have great intentions when it comes to helping staff, but the fact they are seen as superiors makes it extremely difficult to be seen as equals in conversation.

Jim Knight also talks about the notion of "buy-in".  We have all heard people say, "all I need to do is get buy-in."  "Buy-in" assumes that your idea is better than anyone else's and in turn we are no longer equals in conversation.  People who truly "believe in equity, assume we will have a better solution if everyone's brain is involved." (Knight, 20, Better Conversations Companion Book)

As mentioned a couple weeks ago, beliefs drive behavior.  If you truly believe you are equal in conversation, your behavior and words will match this belief.  If we are not equals in conversation from the start, our conversation will just be a conversation, not a life-giving conversation.

Better Conversations Series

Better Conversation Series
I have spent the past year learning about what it takes to be an instructional coach.  Through the process of learning about instructional coaching, there has been one piece that has stood out to me more than any, and that is that conversation is the key to everything.  You can have the best instructional coaching process in the world, but it is truly the conversation between the coach and teacher that leads to the greatest gains.  I have also learned that by learning how to have a better conversation, it has affected all other aspects of my life, from socially to how I interact with my wife and kids.  This series we will focus on the 6 beliefs of better conversations as outlined in Jim Knights new book, Better Conversations.  This is a book I highly recommend to anyone who wants to learn how to have a better conversation.  Jim Knight does an excellent job talking about his new book in the video below.

Introduction to the 6 Beliefs

The six beliefs as outlined by Jim Knight are:

1. I see others as equal partners in conversations.
2. I believe people should have a lot of autonomy.
3. I want to hear what others have to say.
4. I don't judge my conversation partners.
5. Conversation should be back and forth.
6. Conversation should be life-giving.

These 6 beliefs should guide you in having a productive conversation with someone.  Beliefs drive behavior, so if you truly believe these 6 beliefs, your behavior will follow suit.  Each week we will examine one of the beliefs and see how we can all have better conversations.

Book Recommendation

Book Recommendation
Over the summer I dove head-first into learning all I can about what it means to be an instructional coach.  The more and more I learn, the more my perception of instructional coaching has changed.  The purpose of an instructional coach, or any coach for that matter, is to get the "most" out of those they are working with.  I was looking for a step-by-step process as to how to do this.  I have seen many models presented and heard many different people talk about the process of coaching.  Despite the process, the one common theme is really how do I have a productive conversation with someone that can move them from point "A" to point "B"?  Which has in turn led me to your book recommendation this week.  I am currently reading Jim Knight's new book, Better Conversations.  Although, Mr. Knight is a legend in instructional coaching, this book offers much more than having better conversations with teachers; it really is about having better conversations in general.  Yes, the focus is instructional coaching, but the concepts in this book can be applied to any parts of your life, from your marriage, to colleagues, to your kids.  I highly recommend this quick read.