Better Conversations - Back and Forth Conversation

Belief 5
For the past two months we have examined what it takes to have better conversations with people using the book Better Conversations by Jim Knight.  Two weeks ago we talked about not judging your conversation partners.  Today we will look at belief 5, conversation should be back and forth.

6 Beliefs to Better Conversations

1. I see others as equal partners in conversations.
2. I want to hear what others have to say.
3. I believe people should have a lot of autonomy.
4. I don't judge my conversation partners.
5. Conversation should be back and forth.
6. Conversation should be life-giving.

Belief 5: Conversation should be back and forth

"During a better conversation, my conversation partner and I become more thoughtful, creative, and alive when we talk in ways that open up rather than shut down our thinking and talking" (Knight, 49, Better Conversations Companion Book).  Conversation should be back and forth, you should gain something and I should gain something.  If it's always me talking, what will I gain from the conversation?  Controlling the conversation also implicitly puts the person talking in a one-up scenario.  Whether intentional or not, we need to be aware of how much we are talking in a conversation and the words we are using.

Granted there are times where the purpose of our conversation is not back and forth, but rather me giving you information.  Again, there are times and places for all six beliefs.  In a better conversation, we need to try to listen as much as we talk and learn as much as we teach (Knight, 51).