Better Conversations - Equals

Better Conversations
As mentioned a couple weeks ago, we will be starting our series on Better Conversations.  There are six beliefs that guide having a better conversation, and these beliefs will be the focus of this series.

1. I see others as equal partners in conversations.
2. I believe people should have a lot of autonomy.
3. I want to hear what others have to say.
4. I don't judge my conversation partners.
5. Conversation should be back and forth.
6. Conversation should be life-giving.

This week we will focus on seeing others as equal partners in conversations.

Equals

I think Jim Knight places this one first for a reason.  Seeing others as equals is the lynchpin to having a productive, life-giving conversation.  When someone is perceived as being superior, this creates unequal ground where the lesser of the two people feels continually "talked down" to and told what to do.  "Often, the reason people resist ideas in top-down conversations is that they are not getting the status they feel they deserve." (Knight, 19, Better Conversations Companion Book)  Jim Knight is absolutely correct in this statement.  If we don't feel our ideas and opinions are valued, what point is it in sharing them?  The hierarchy of our school system is necessary, but a detriment to professional learning, if it is the principal or superintendent who is responsible for carrying out the training or follow-up.  From the start, a principal or superintendent is seen as a superior, thus being a detriment to any conversation leading to professional growth.  All school administrators have great intentions when it comes to helping staff, but the fact they are seen as superiors makes it extremely difficult to be seen as equals in conversation.

Jim Knight also talks about the notion of "buy-in".  We have all heard people say, "all I need to do is get buy-in."  "Buy-in" assumes that your idea is better than anyone else's and in turn we are no longer equals in conversation.  People who truly "believe in equity, assume we will have a better solution if everyone's brain is involved." (Knight, 20, Better Conversations Companion Book)

As mentioned a couple weeks ago, beliefs drive behavior.  If you truly believe you are equal in conversation, your behavior and words will match this belief.  If we are not equals in conversation from the start, our conversation will just be a conversation, not a life-giving conversation.