Better Conversations - Autonomy

Autonomy
We have been discussing the 6 beliefs to better conversations from the book Better Conversations by Jim Knight.  Each update, we highlight one of the 6 beliefs.  Two weeks ago the topic was listening and hearing what others have to say.  This week the topic is autonomy.

6 Beliefs to Better Conversations

1. I see others as equal partners in conversations.
2. I want to hear what others have to say.
3. I believe people should have a lot of autonomy.
4. I don't judge my conversation partners.
5. Conversation should be back and forth.
6. Conversation should be life-giving.

Belief 3: I believe people should have a lot of autonomy.

Partners don't tell their partners what to do.  If we are to tell our conversation partner what to do, we are no longer equals, and we have violated the first belief in better conversations.  Autonomy is so important when conversing with people.  The ability to make our own decisions and ultimately say "yes" or "no" creates an equal playing field, where all opinions matter.  Peter Block says, "If we cannot say no, then saying yes has no meaning" (Knight, 33, Better Conversations Companion Book).

People are rarely motivated by other people's plans for them.  One of my favorite quotes from this section in Better Conversations is, "When you insist, they will resist" by Timothy Gallwey.  I think about my coaching and teaching experiences, and this quote is very true.  If the idea is the kids, then it becomes much easier to get them to do what I want, whereas, if I tell them to do something most will do it, but some will resist.  Adults are the same way.  If ideas come from them, they are much more likely to put an effort into accomplishing it is what they want.

Of course there are occasions when a conversation does not have a decision made, so therefore autonomy does not come into play.  There are also situations where there is no autonomy because the district and/or administration has decided something already.  But there can be autonomy on how to accomplish what it is the district and/or administration wants.