Better Conversations - Listening

Hearing What Others Have to Say
Two weeks ago the topic for Better Conversations was seeing your conversation partner as an equal.  This week we will look at, "I want to hear what others have to say".

6 Beliefs to Better Conversations

1. I see others as equal partners in conversations.
2. I want to hear what others have to say.
3. I believe people should have a lot of autonomy.
4. I don't judge my conversation partners.
5. Conversation should be back and forth.
6. Conversation should be life-giving.

Hearing What Others Have to Say

This is one of the beliefs I think we all think we do a good job of, but in reality, we struggle the most with this belief.  In our world today, it is very difficult to give someone 100% of our attention 100% of the time.  With a smartphone nearby, emails are constantly coming at us, text messages are frequently making your phone "ding", telephone calls are more prevalent, and it's your turn on Words with Friends :-).  If I truly believe we are equals in conversation, I will treat you as I would want to be treated and truly LISTEN to what you have to say.  You can listen and not hear a word your conversation partner says.  This is evident in many relationships (especially us men!).  If you are married, you probably can think of a time your significant other told you, "I told you that last night or earlier this morning".  

Being fully present in a conversation is a sign of respect for the other person.  It shows them that you truly are interested in what they have to say.  We don't have to be fully present in every conversation we have, but if we are trying to help people get better at what they do, they believe what they do is important and we need to respect that.

Tips to being present in a conversation

• Silence your phone (even the vibrate feature).
• Shut your laptop.
• Take off your watch (yes, looking at the watch distracts you from your conversation).
• Keep the time sacred (don't let other "things" come into your time with someone).
• Respect their time and your time.
• Video record yourself having a conversation.
• How many times do you look away, at your phone, computer, or watch?
• I think you will be surprised to realize what you look like!

The video below is a classic scene from Wayne's World.  This radio DJ is NOT present in the conversation.  Don't be THAT guy!