Better Conversations - Judgement

Judgment
Last week we looked at belief three, people should have autonomy, from Jim Knights book Better Conversations.  This week we will focus on judgment.

6 Beliefs to Better Conversations

1. I see others as equal partners in conversations.
2. I want to hear what others have to say.
3. I believe people should have a lot of autonomy.
4. I don't judge my conversation partners.
5. Conversation should be back and forth.
6. Conversation should be life-giving.

Belief 4: I don't judge my conversation partners.

"When people judge others, they destroy any pretense of equality.  If I judge you as having done something well or poorly, by doing that very act I put myself one-up and put you one-down" (Knight, 41, Better Conversations Companion Book).  

Again, this is one of the beliefs that we all believe we do well in, but in reality we all struggle with.  When we come into any conversation we bring in tons of assumptions and our own opinions.  If we truly are to have a conversation where everyone feels equal, we care about what others are saying, and we give our partner autonomy, those assumptions need to be left at the door.

Things you can do to be nonjudgmental

• Listen without assumptions and without prejudging.
• Begin to let go of the desire to give unsolicited advice.
• Practice letting go of having to be right.

The last two bullet points are the most difficult.  If you were to record yourself in a conversation, I think you would find that you often times are giving advice that is not asked for.  Also, nobody wants or likes to be wrong, but sometimes we need to let go of that and give your conversation partner some autonomy.